6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
