Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
