This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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