The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize