i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
