oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
