i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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