Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
