I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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