Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
