why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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