after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
