All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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