you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
