She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
from now on my penis is your penis
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
