home. puking in laundry basket.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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