I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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