Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
