God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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