Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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