i barfeds in our rink
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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