Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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