Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
