Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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