is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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