Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize