Plan B is the new Plan A
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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