Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
