the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
