Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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