smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
