I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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