it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
