if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
