she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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