my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
