dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize