well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
