Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
