Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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