..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize