just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
