Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
They took my balls.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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