I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
