quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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