No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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