I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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