Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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