i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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