You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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