I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize