omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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