i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
