There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
