i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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