There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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