Screwed.edu
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Green mimosas i think yes
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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