Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
