laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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