No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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