i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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