you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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