We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
