Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
