I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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