im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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