i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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