Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
