hell yes lets make some ravioli
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
