Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
