My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
