im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
