lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
