you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
