oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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