I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize