this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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