The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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