I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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