I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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