Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
