Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
