god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
