I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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