And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's an acceptable place to lick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
