we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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