twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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