Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
