I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
