i permit you to call me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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