Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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