Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
