Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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